Breaking My Radio Silence (aka, why Kelley has been a shoddy blogger)

So now I can come clean and tell you what has been going on.  For years, we have talked and prayed about me leaving corporate America to stay home with the kids.  And for years, it has just not been possible.  

Until this year.  

This year, it was no longer just a hope or long-shot dream.  Major bills were paid off.  Finances and budgets changed.  Sacrifices were made (I didn't know just how much my husband loved me until he ended his ten year love affair with DirecTV and the NFL Sunday ticket, which allowed him to watch his Vikings every Sunday) and a plan put into action.  Alliances with my employer were ended in favor of a Triple Play package that saves so much more per month on phone, internet and TV (although I would be happy with just internet since we never answer the home phone and I rarely watch TV).

This decision wasn't something we were ready to share publicly as we really weren't certain exactly when I could give notice.  So for months, I have been a shoddy blogger.  I have lacked motivation to sit at my torch because I felt like I was in limbo, unable to move forward with our plans.  I'm pretty much an All Or Nothing kinda girl.  If I can't be forthright, or put my all into something, then I just withdraw.  It parallels my philosophy that if I have nothing nice to say, then I'll shut up before saying something I will regret.

Today was my last day with the phone company, ending a career over just over 11.5 years.  This morning ended with a team meeting with my peers that left me in tears as we said how much we would miss each other.  And then one last conference call with a great customer.  The last week has been filled with goodbyes as I have reached out to folks I have known and worked with for close to 14 years.  Some were at my wedding and others were at the hospital two years later, holding our firstborn when he was less than an hour new.  I have made great relationships with so many coworkers, as well as customer contacts and that is what I will miss the most.  I will not miss the stress of 24x7 position which has stretched over the last ten years.  Or the ring of a blackberry that has raised my heart rate, interrupted family dinners, weekend soccer games or confined me to a bathroom all day one Thanksgiving many years ago.  For the last 11.5 years, I have carried two phones with me at all times.  For the past week, I have not had to use my blackberry and it has felt very weird.

Today I handed back my laptop, blackberry and employee ID.  A weight hasn't lifted.  This doesn't feel real.  Not yet.  Maybe being able to talk about this will make it feel real.  Or maybe it will just take moving into a new routine for it to feel real.  I'm not sure.  But I can tell you I haven't once second guessed the choice we made or doubted that the future will hold anything less than the great things we we expect to encounter.

So what is this road ahead, you ask?  It will be weekday mornings filled with torch time melting glass and making beads.  It will be daily walks with Little Horse, helping us both get back in shape.  It will be regular blog posts and shop updates.  It will be field trips and lunches shared with my kids.  It will be days spent growing my photography business.  It will be afternoon hours spent reading stories to my kids' classes.  But mostly, it will be afternoons spent meeting my kids at the bus stop, helping them with their homework and then taking them on adventures.  

We will take hikes on the nature trail, explore new playgrounds and find the library on a weekly basis.  It's disgraceful that my kids are about to turn 7 and 9 and I have never once taken them to the library.  I will be working to help them forget this past life with two working parents, who barely had time to read them a story between picking them up from an after-school program, making dinner and getting baths (if we were lucky!) before rushing into bedtimes.  I am looking forward to a slower pace, where I can enjoy my children and create a calmer, less-rushed household.  And one where my kids are larger contributors to helping our family function.

I am looking forward to being here on a daily basis.  I am looking forward to getting to know you all again.  I am looking forward to so much right now.

Ok, now it feels more real that I have come clean and shared with you.  I'm getting super excited.  Thank you for coming here and reading along.  I hope you will accept my apologies for my silence and understand.

Tomorrow, I will be busy photographing all of the lentils and other beads to share on the blog with you (hopefully before lunchtime on the East Coast).  A shop update will be hitting at 8pm EDT tomorrow night.  This will be my last Friday night update.  Going forward, I plan on having weekly shop updates at 2pm ET on Thursdays.