I want to preface this post with the promise that there will be bead pics posted here tomorrow. So if you're wanting to see my beads, they're not here today. :)
I picked up this book --> Outliers in the Newark airport two weeks ago on my way back home. I thought it was well written and it made me think a lot more about the cultures in which we are raised, whether the country of our ancestors plays into account or economic status. The author Malcom Gladwell made compelling arguments for both, backing up his theories with historical examples of successful people in our history. Some lesser known individuals from Jewish lawyers at the turn of the century to Bill Gates to Korean pilots turning their legacy from those with the most crashes to the least.
This weekend I was visiting my Dad and I was telling him about this book and we got into a bit of a debate over the theories behind success. One of them in the book covered a series of serendipitous events. For Bill Gates, it was that he was born in the right year and city and surrounded by the right group of mothers who contributed to building a computer lab in his high school and being within walking distance of Washington University among other things which led to the magic number of 10,000 hours of computer programming before he became a computer genius. Or the Beatles, who caught their break with a gig performing in a strip club in Hamburg for 8 hours a night for weeks on end which ultimately gave them the practice they needed to become a well-oiled machine singing and playing their hearts out before they were 'discovered.'
My Dad believes that it doesn't matter where Bill Gates was born, he would have created the opportunities needed to become successful in computer programming and later building a great software company. I argued with him that not everyone gets such lucky breaks and brought up Chris Langan, who is also discussed in this book as being the quite possibly the world's smartest man. He had a series of equally similar bad breaks that seem to have prevented him from climbing the ladder of success. Since our discussion, I have thought more about my own upbringing and how that has impacted me.
One of the books I remember reading over and over as a child was the The Little Engine That Could. I haven't read it nearly enough to my own children, but I repeated one of the lines this weekend on a golf cart ride as it seemed we would not be able to climb a hill and the golf cart moved so slow it seemed it would stop before reaching the crest of the hill. "I think I can! I think I can! I think I can!" And then we reached the stop and started sailing down. So I followed it up with "I thought I could! I thought I could! I thought I could!"
I realized that my Mom gave me one of the best gifts ever. Not just with reading this book to me repeatedly as a child, but in other conversations as I grew up. She always believed in me and instilled a belief that I could accomplish whatever I set my mind to. Sure, there are other things that reinforced that throughout my young years, but they were all situations that required a lot of work and when they paid off, I was able to say "I thought I could." In the summer before I started 8th grade, I went to Space Camp for a week in Huntsville, Alabama. I was terrified of being by myself, away from my parents and not knowing any of the other kids who went. I was homesick and cried myself to sleep each night. Before it was over, I also had to give a presentation on rocket boosters to an auditorium filled with over 200 kids and adults. I don't remember if I did it flawlessly, but I got through it. I think it is one of the things that just reinforced I could do anything I set my mind to. Although, I may have also been so young that I didn't know to be scared of talking in front of so many people. Either way, as an adult I don't have a problem speaking in front of others now.
As an adult, I don't think I am largely successful. I'm not a gazillionaire like Bill Gates. I'm not the top lampworking Twitterer on the internet. I'm only middle management at the phone company. I dropped out of Taekwondo for a second time and I don't exercise like I should. Nor am I a particularly phenomenal photographer. Yet I get comments from friends and strangers on my blog or in emails saying "I don't know how you do it all." I work full-time, I will be celebrating 11 years of marriage next month and 11 years with my company this month. I try my best to make the right decisions as a mom for my two kids and raise them with self-esteem, but also with accountability to be responsible and kind. I have become a shoddy blogger this year and fail to find the time on my torch that I used to. Life is busy and getting in the way of my hobbies and goals, but I'm okay with that. I keep telling myself "I think I can, I think I can" and take tiny steps toward my goals.
When my kids OR my friends tell me that they think they can't, I tell them to be a little kinder to themselves and that I believe they can do whatever they want. I hope that sinks in with my kids, although I think some of my friends tend to tune me out. I think encouragement is so important and that it does make a HUGE difference in how well each of us can do. I am so excited when I hear about my friends attaining their goals or exceeding what they never thought was possible. Not just excited for them, but it is an indirect reinforcement for me that if I keep trying I will reach my own goals.
So with this long wordy post, I want to ask you two questions.
1) What goals are you reaching for that might seem impossible now?
and
2) What have you done that you never thought you could?
7 comments:
Oh soo many ideas so little time.I truly agree quite a lot comes from up bringing but I think personality has a lot to do with it too. When I was younger I was friends with a girl who came from a very wealthy family.( I was brought up by a single mother - who was lets say not a positive person) I remember her having a dream of starting her own business. All I thought about in my head was how do you find the money and keep yourself going? I wouldn't have done it for fear of not being able to support myself.I remember asking her this and she looked at me like I had 5 heads and said , "Why would I fail?" - It hit me smack in the face and everytime I hear the phrase "What would you do if you could not fail?" I think of her and I still wish I felt that way.
I have come to the place (juggling 4 kids, hopes and dreams and life in general)of knowing I am one person and I am doing the best I can do with what I have. I hope I encourage my boys to try things and follow their hearts and dreams.
I could go on and on but I think people can sink or swim regardless of their surroundings and upbringing or even because of them
it's a choice to make and every decision strengthens that choice.
My goal that seems impossible right now is to eventually quit my day job, and either take a part-time, less stressful (and lower paying job) and make up the rest with selling jewelry, or support myself solely with selling jewelry. If I quit my current job I would have time to learn metalsmithing which would expand my repertoire. I'm terrified of not having health insurance though, and I have it through my employer right now, at no cost to me. The idea of being able to make enough money elsewhere to afford health insurance seems like a pipe dream.
Things I have done that I never thought I could do were to move to a big city by myself, travel internationally by myself, and start an online store and make jewelry that was good enough to sell!
p.s., I agree with your author's idea that the trajectories of our lives are a complicated product of personality, upbringing, contacts/mentors and just plain serendipity. Each variable leads us in a different direction, that leads to choices that change us for good or ill. And these factors have different weights for different people--some people's personalities will overcome or surpass their upbringing, some will not.
lune said it better than I could in her p.s. comment. Barbara Lewis also posted a great video from TED that I think also correlates with this really well.
Obviously upbringing has a huge part in success, but it isn't the be all and end all. It also depends on how success is defined as well...and whether it is even a desired outcome.
I really liked the movie Precious that I watched recently on Netflix. There are a lot of parallels that can be drawn between the two subjects, especially in regards to socioeconomics.
The goals that I'm reaching for now that seem unattainable right now are having a business that supports me financially in the same manner as when I worked for the "man"...and the goals I've accomplished that I never thought are having my work published. I never would have imagined that ever happening when I started.
Kelley, that is a lot to think about. I don't know if it is upbringing or circumstances that lead you to success. That is surely food for thought.
I know mom pushed us to try new things and she had me do overnight camping as soon as possible. Mom never said there was nothing my brother or I could do. Which I think has helped us in later life. Me going into the Army and my brother starting his own business and sticking with that business through good times and bad.
I seriously never thought I would be an "artist". I never thought about it since I took art classes in junior high. Art never was my thing until I did my business interview with a lampworking artist who just opened her store. Then it sort of took off and then I got mom involved and we just ran with it.
I know eventually we both would like to do this full time, but that is a dream later down the line. I know we have reached one of our goals this year, to be published and that has happened three times. So I am pretty proud of that.
You have a great week girl! Take care!
What?! This is rambling? No way! This is totally kick-in-the-pants get-off-your-duff and do something sort of words! I think that environment plays a HUGE role in what level of success you can achieve, but I also believe that you have to have the innate skills and drive and determination as well. And that there are plenty of cases where people succeeded against all odds.
A lot of it comes down to attitude.
When you say that you are shoddy, that is just in comparison. Someone else blogs more than you do, makes more beads, acheives more sales. But really that doesn't mean that what you do is any less impressive or important. SO I say that you need to take your own advice..."be a little kinder to themselves and that I believe they can do whatever they want". Taking our own advice is sometimes the hardest thing, isn't it? I am always preaching finding the 'something good' in every day, but yet I can be the biggest downer you have ever laid eyes on sometimes. I have to work at it too!
My goal is to quit my day job, or find a part time job that would be a supplement and would mean I could focus on designing, growing my business, creating new designs, and writing. A lot more. I want to write books, I have made no secret of that. And stars are starting to align for me. But I know too that I am my own worst enemy and time is my crutch. I know how much time and effort it will take to do that successfully and I worry that I won't have the time needed to do it right, so that stops me from moving forward. Silly, right? I need to get out of my own way!
I never thought that I would have childrend, not just the giving birth part, but the raising them right. I see now that my life would have been so much bleaker without them and I am so proud of where they are headed. I want to give them that environment and encouragement to have the best chance for success, no matter how they define that for themselves.
Thanks for giving me some big topics to gnaw on Miss Kelley! Enjoy the day!
Erin
Kelley Ive called you Lori and Im so sorry! I must be loosing it! Everyone must think Ive gone round the twist. Ive been so busy and tired when blogging etc. Ok here goes once again..
Kelley this is such a great post and thank you for that! I too am the little engine that I know CAN. Im doing Lampwork now ~ thats what I dreamed I would do and Im so pleased as punch that my husband finally listened and spent the monies.
Ive asked myself many times are you sure you want to do this? And the answer from deep within after I ponder it is still Yes. Surely polymer clay and ceramics would of been much easier and cheaper as well than a hot torch and a kiln that is over 950 degrees nearby you in the hot summer! Ive got this deep inborn feeling that yes Janet you will learn your Lampworking. You will and you can do it. But climbing up to that pinnacle is a bit painful at times. There are things I dont know how to do in Lampwork and the journey is hard, but it will take time. One might understand how to do it. But the hands must practice the knowledge. And until the hands can feel it and know it..it cannot be done. There is no one to show you anything in person. But thank goodness there are vids etc. Every time you take a class its money money which I understand. Lampworking is expensive in all aspects! But I am determined that these stop signs in the road will not barr me. It is a matter of time!
The things we have done even when we were young make us to be who we are! You have a wonderful Mother and Im so proud my Mom is like that too. Such a great post!
Thank you today for this encouragement! Its so nice when my heart says things on my facebook and other Lampworkers (and nice friends) reach out and say Yes I know Ive been there..and you CAN do it! Reminds me Im not alone in my struggle!
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